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It Gets Worse?
By Stephanie Kemp
It Gets Worse?
By Stephanie Kemp
It’s bad enough that girls have to go through menstruation.
The name alone is bullshit.
MENstruation?
Fuck off.*
And despite (some) good intentions, Health Class is also bullshit.
One of my daughters (who shall remain nameless) recently told me that she learned more about why we menstruate by watching “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” on a plane than she did during all those hours “Learning About our Bodies!” in school or through her parents. (That last bit about the parents is me owning my part of the on-going fuckery. No one is above blame in the “Why Aren’t We Being Straight with our Girls?” shit ship.)
This clearly warrants a letter:
Dear Health Class Teachers and Curriculum Deciders,
You should never have preached or pretended for a single second that the:
“Boys May Have Occasional Wet Dreams During Puberty” lesson deserved to be taught in the same space and time continuum (or any classroom, anywhere, ever) as the:
“Girls Will Bleed and Cramp for Several Days Each Month of their Lives for Next 40 + Years, Whether They Want to Have Children, or Not” lesson.
On a related note, any additional lesson on the topic should have been a Girls Only Personal Business Bonus Seminar called:
“By the Way, Tampons and Pads (and Advil and Underpants in Bulk) are Very Fucking Expensive: How to Start Saving Now.”
Sincerely,
Stephanie Kemp
The reason this is top of mind (and ruining) my morning (in addition to every morning being slightly ruined since the formerly unthinkable Roe turned Dobbs bait and switch), is that last night, while simultaneously trying to relax in front of a Duraflame and ignore the Super Bowl because the Lions weren’t in it (and after accidentally ordering another daughter’s favorite takeout from the wrong Kabuki, forcing me to drive to San Gabriel instead of Pasadena), The Mighty Algorithms thought that I should see an interview by the writer Deborah Copaken (Ladyparts - l love her) with Drs. Avrum Bluming (MD) and Carol Tavris (PhD), about their very important (and suspiciously ignored by the medical establishment and mainstream media) book titled, Estrogen Matters.
Estrogen Matters is a book about menopause, which brings me to my next problem.
That’s right:
MENopause. **
I think you know where this is headed…
More specifically, Estrogen Matters is about the wildly flawed, almost universally believed and (formerly) revered 2002 Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) study that made the Whole World think that Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) caused, or at least vastly increased the chances of breast cancer in women. (There is much more to the flawed study, if you want to take a deep dive into it and/or read Estrogen Matters…I only recommend doing the latter - I’ve done it twice.)
Immediately upon publication of the WHI study, thousands of women were ripped off of hormones that had made not only a difference in the quality of their daily lives (decreased likelihood of hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, depression, wanting to punch people, blah blah blah), but could also make a difference in the quality of the rest of their lives (stronger bones, healthier hearts, decreased likelihood of memory loss, mostly wanting to love people, tra la la).
To say that chaos ensued (and persisted) would be an understatement. All because of unwarranted panic due to misinterpreted and/or misrepresented data...
So I watched Deborah Copaken’s interview with the doctors for several reasons (stay with me):
- Dr. Bluming is an MD. (MDs want to make you healthy and feel better.)
2. Dr. Tavris is a PhD. (PhDs want to make you healthy and think better.)
3. They are both very smart (and good storytellers, as you would need to be to make me want to read your book about menopause, twice…............................................or once).
4. Deborah Copaken is a badass and has been through the medical (and living a big and bold life) ringer. I wanted to hear her thoughts on this book specifically, and on MENopause, in general. Plus, she and I have the same thoughts about (and problem with) the French word for vagina (le vagin) being masculine.
5. I pay attention to coincidences (if never algorithms), and here was this one:
My very husband, at this very Duraflamable moment, was out for dinner and a movie with his very father, Dr. Avrum Bluming. As if this was not enough of a coincidence (and/or me, burying the lede), I had also just curled up under a blanket on the couch to write a big juicy check-in email to my OtherMotherMentorFriend, Dr. Carol Tavris, to see if she was still safe below the muddy mountain now looming over her house, courtesy of our most recent Atmospheric River. (This could also be known as “Burying the Lede, Part II.”)
6. All of this said, the simple(r) takeaway is that you can never know enough (or treat yourself to enough refreshers) about MENopause, especially once you are living it.
Which brings me to the last but not least:
#7:
I had - just yesterday morning - the best idea! and knew that if I watched my father in law and other mother being interviewed by someone who wasn’t me, I would be motivated and/or forced by my better self to share it. (Full Disclosure and/or Tiny Nepotistic Humble Brag: I did the author interviews for a teaser film as part of the Estrogen Matters original book launch in 2018.)
Here is My Idea:
MENopause just needs a rebrand, fuckers. (Apologies to you if you are not a fucker.)
And there is (finally!) momentum behind the movement. (If the efforts of Drs. Bluming and Tavris plus Deborah Copaken aren’t enough for you, just watch the Judy Blume Forever documentary and/or google “Naomi Watts Menopause.” You’ll quickly see that everyone is finally! trying to do their part to support women - and girls.)
And we are finally allowed to talk (and swear) about it.
As for my contribution (or personal mindset moving forward if my part of the movement doesn’t catch fire)?
It’s a branding problem.
The word simply needs to be switched to:
ME: No Pause.
A change in punctuation, tweaked syllable breakdown and reprioritized emphasis on pronunciation is really all we need to reclaim our ship and fit more people on it, whether they are on HRT, or not.
The point of Estrogen Matters (and the ME: No Pause. Movement) is to arm women with f/actual data and let that data inform their decisions and choices about what to do with their own bodies. It is not necessarily to get them all on estrogen (combined with progesterone, if they still have all of their lady parts), in case you were wondering or don’t feel like HRT is the path for you. But being a woman on the back nine can be much better (and healthier and safer) than we have been led to believe (and live).
This matters to the world (or should) because women have always steered the ship anyway.
This matters to me because I (mostly) love being a girl and woman.
Thoughts?
Just kidding. Keep them to yourself. (I am very busy working on some Additional Women’s Marketing Initiatives and re-reading Deenie.)
But please feel free to tell me what you’re doing. I bet I won’t be able to wait to jump on board…
Or, Then Again, Maybe I Won’t.
(This is another Judy Blume book, but written from a boy’s perspective because they matter too, especially now that we don’t have to be so mad about the former! treatment of girls and women and this whole menstruation and menopause thing.)
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*I (obviously) know that “the term menstruation originated from the Latin word mensis, which means month, and the Greek word mene, which refers to the moon....(and that) in ancient times, the menstrual cycle was thought to be related to the moon's cycle because both cycles last around 29 days.” I just felt compelled to invite my 13 year old self into the conversation and she had yet (or ever) to learn Latin or Greek but did have very strong feelings about this very complicated matter.
**Same rules apply (and believe me when I say that this is not a Womyn’s Herstory Lesson).
That said, and on a related note, please let me know if you can introduce me to John McWhorter. I would like to offer him an open ended invitation for a twelve hour home cooked meal so I can ask him a thousand questions.
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Ps. If you happen to see either of the doctors, please don’t mention this rant. I try not to swear in front of them.
Pps. I don’t really think ME. No Pause. is going to take over the world, but even if it sticks in just one person’s head like a catchy tune or annoying jingle and that person accidentally explains (or sings) it to someone else, I’ll have done my job.
cc: Ariel