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Good news / Bad news:
By Stephanie Kemp
Good news / Bad news:
By Stephanie Kemp
I never have to write another poem about the world!
Because I am in love with Bo Burnham.
Specifically, everything about him (this means his songs and words — I have no idea what he’s like as a person, although I think he must be a pretty good one, based on his songs and words).
More specifically (and most recently), I am in love with That Funny Feeling.
More bad news (because on most days I am mostly happily married to Adam):
Now I am also in love with Phoebe Bridgers.
It gets even worse:
Someone (the internet) told me that Bo Burnham and Phoebe Bridgers might be in love with each other today, but in real life I think they might love other people!
(Plus, Phoebe went to my daughter’s high school, so this can never get out.)
But back to the good news! (I am trying to stay positive - mostly and always - but especially this morning as I have been listening to both Bo’s and Phoebe’s versions of That Funny Feeling since stumbling upon them yesterday while procrastinating and eating sugar before taking my daughter to the eye doctor and after crying on my walk.)
The other good news is:
I was driving my (other) daughter to school this morning trying to explain EVERYTHING about the importance of Bo’s song, but not knowing where to begin (or wanting to scare her), when she said, “Mom, were you listening to Bo Burnham this morning? He’s great. But I like the Phoebe Bridgers cover better. Also, I’ll have the AP World History form for you to sign after school. Can I have some gum?”
After I told her about Bob Iger and she filled me in on Logan Paul, we enjoyed some gum chewing silence while driving through Chinatown, which of course led me to thinking about all the things we should be talking about (the spy balloon, the best dumplings, the mass shooting, the art show that kicked off Covid, the violence, the beauty, more dumplings, another mass shooting, the lesson of the turtles). This led me to thinking about all that she/I/we all still need to know about, which led me back to That Funny Feeling and the realization that I/we all need to do more (or less), but are probably hosed no matter what.
As I honked and blamed a truck for almost crashing into me while I was spitting my gum out into my (other) daughter’s prescription for new glasses (totally my fault), I had the best idea:
TOOTorials!
I need to be using this drive time more effectively!
From now on I will make the morning drive matter! Especially because one of my kids just got into college and the other one might be smarter than me! There is too much to learn and no time to waste, so I wasted none with our inaugural lesson!
But what the hell can I contribute to this global (and personal and internal) conversation that Bo didn’t already cover in his perfect song?
Shit / I know!
I will talk about something that will never be talked about again in any American classroom outside of my car!
Do you know who Ayn Rand is?
(“You might be made fun of if you pronounce her name properly and/or if you don’t, but don’t let that derail you. You need to know about her if only for - and especially for - argument’s sake! And you need to learn about her quickly, while you are still young enough to be wildly and exuberantly confident in your own strengths and ever evolving abilities! You need to find and develop the superpowers that have to start within your own walls and then evolve as a person and expand them to make positive change in our possibly already fucked world!”)
Have you heard of Objectivism?
(“I learned about it in high school at the same time I learned the definitions of ‘polarizing’ and ‘individualism’ - but you must look at it in historical and sociological context! AP World History should help. And I am so glad you are also taking AP Psych. This will help you - and me - so much! Especially with my crying. Have a great day. See you at 3:30!”)
Shit / Now you probably think I am in love with Ayn Rand and will cancel me, or worse - my daughter, if she asks about Ayn Rand. Or Lincoln.
Bo and Phoebe made this seem so easy.
More soon, but now I have to go donate blood at Children’s Hospital and then re-read the Fountainhead, because all I am really rooting for is vigorous discussion on all things interesting, infuriating, incongruous, challenging, heartbreaking, inspiring, tangible. You know - LEARNING! (Plus, I really don’t remember the Fountainhead, if I’m being honest and/or ever even actually read it.)
Maybe I’ll just give blood and have a think on tomorrow’s Tootorial.
It will start with Burt Bacharach’s Raindrops and end with Baz Luhrman’s Sunscreen, even though I know this is backwards because Burt died today and Baz is still living.
It will be called “Nostalgia.”
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That Funny Feeling
A song by Bo Burnham
Sometimes sung by Phoebe Bridgers
I can't really, uh, play the guitar very well, um, or sing
So you know, apologies…
Stunning 8K-resolution, meditation app
In honor of the revolution, it's half-off at the Gap
Deadpool's self-awareness, loving parents, harmless fun
The backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
The surgeon general's pop-up shop, Robert Iger's face
Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugles' take on race
Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war
The whole world at your fingertips, the ocean at your door
The live-action Lion King, the Pepsi Halftime Show
Twenty-thousand years of this, seven more to go
Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, Logan Paul
A gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
Reading Pornhub's terms of service, going for a drive
And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V
Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown
A book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone
Total disassociation, fully out your mind
Googling "derealization", hating what you find
That unapparent summer air in early fall
The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
Hey, what can you say? We were overdue
But it'll be over soon, you wait
Hey, what can you say? We were overdue
But it'll be over soon, just wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-dum
Hey, what can you say? We were overdue
But it'll be over soon, you wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-dum
Hey, what can you say? We were overdue
But it'll be over soon, you wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da
Hey, what can you say? We were overdue
But it'll be over soon, you wait
Ba-da-da, ba-da-da, ba-da-da-da-dum