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Grief
By Stephanie Kemp
Grief
By Stephanie Kemp
Dear Grief,
You will not prevail, you fucker.
It has been almost a year since Mom died and I have done everything you have taught me to do:
Get through the immediate aftermath - the imprint of where she last sat, her unfinished knitting on the table, her unmade bed, unfinished cup of coffee, calendar plans for next Tuesday, a note to buy more waffles. All of the firsts.
Let the sick person slip away .
Remember the healthy person.
Invite them (back) in.
Be prepared for and embrace any mood, anytime, anywhere.
Cry.
Scream.
Keen.
Walk.
Laugh.
Write her down.
On a napkin. On a hand. On a chalkboard wall.
Any and everywhere you can find before it has to be for her obituary.
Where her details will now need to take turns with her big story, because it is ending and they have to learn how to dance.
Walk.
Keen.
Sleep.
I did what you asked, Grief.
I did it all.
I am almost through all of the firsts. I am desperate to get through them only so that I can go back to all the ones that came before.
But you didn’t tell me about this part, even though she tried to, before she left:
I am tortured that I didn’t rub her feet at the end. Her perfect little feet, the ones she gave me. A fresh coral pedicure. Her feet were the only things that looked familiar. I know, because I am my mother’s daughter, how much she loved having her feet rubbed.
My mom was in her hospice bed and I couldn’t rub her feet.
I was afraid of her body.
Of hurting her.
Of her leaving.
I am ashamed.
And she is not here to tell me that it is ok.
That I am, or will be, too.
That I am brave.
And that what she really loved most was rubbing mine.
Lucky for me, she was my mom.
So I already knew this.
Dear Grief,
I will not prevail either.
But I am ready to mourn.
Truce.
__________________________________
You will not prevail, you fucker.
It has been almost a year since Mom died and I have done everything you have taught me to do:
Get through the immediate aftermath - the imprint of where she last sat, her unfinished knitting on the table, her unmade bed, unfinished cup of coffee, calendar plans for next Tuesday, a note to buy more waffles. All of the firsts.
Let the sick person slip away .
Remember the healthy person.
Invite them (back) in.
Be prepared for and embrace any mood, anytime, anywhere.
Cry.
Scream.
Keen.
Walk.
Laugh.
Write her down.
On a napkin. On a hand. On a chalkboard wall.
Any and everywhere you can find before it has to be for her obituary.
Where her details will now need to take turns with her big story, because it is ending and they have to learn how to dance.
Walk.
Keen.
Sleep.
I did what you asked, Grief.
I did it all.
I am almost through all of the firsts. I am desperate to get through them only so that I can go back to all the ones that came before.
But you didn’t tell me about this part, even though she tried to, before she left:
I am tortured that I didn’t rub her feet at the end. Her perfect little feet, the ones she gave me. A fresh coral pedicure. Her feet were the only things that looked familiar. I know, because I am my mother’s daughter, how much she loved having her feet rubbed.
My mom was in her hospice bed and I couldn’t rub her feet.
I was afraid of her body.
Of hurting her.
Of her leaving.
I am ashamed.
And she is not here to tell me that it is ok.
That I am, or will be, too.
That I am brave.
And that what she really loved most was rubbing mine.
Lucky for me, she was my mom.
So I already knew this.
Dear Grief,
I will not prevail either.
But I am ready to mourn.
Truce.
__________________________________
Dorothy "Lynnie" Solner
December 20, 1941 - March 20, 2020
DOROTHY LYNN SOLNER, much better known as Lynnie, passed away peacefully in Chicago on March 20, spending her last days with her daughters and lifelong best friend. Her kindness, humor and gratitude were fully intact.
Beloved wife of the late Robert Solner and loving mother of Tracy Hedstrom (Tim), Stephanie Kemp (Adam Bluming) and Ginny Kemp (Mike Biondi), she was also the adored and proud Grandma of Madeleine, Jack, Will, Dawson, Olivia, Elise, Frances and Bobby.
Lynnie was the dear stepmom of Michael Solner (Susan), Kathleen Solner Pearce, Susan Solner Janjigian (Michael), Patricia Solner Heimer (Paul) and Ann Seraydarian (Gregory). She loved being Grandma Lynnie to Michael (Mallory), Katie (Jamey), Jacqueline, Kiersten, Michael, Thomas, Gregory, Katie (Matt) and Maggie. She often bragged about her and Bob’s 17 grandchildren and two great grandchildren, Olivia and Will.
Lynnie was born December 20, 1941, and raised in Detroit and Southfield, Michigan, to Russell and Virginia Dawson. She attended Kingswood, Ferry Hall Academy and Michigan State before raising her three girls in Birmingham, Michigan.
She was the loving younger sister of the late Russell “Buck" Dawson, Frances Woodruff and Virginia Dawson. She is survived by and was the (mostly!) loving and always protective big sister of James Dawson. Lynnie was a fierce athlete, loyal friend and champion aunt - always choosing to approach life between glass half full and glass overflowing.
Her epic, contagious and limitless smile will be forever remembered and missed.
In lieu of flowers, please check in with someone you miss, call the friend you haven’t seen for too long, take a walk in the woods or make as many chocolate chip cookies as possible (extra butter - softened, not melted) and share them with the people you love......and/or total strangers.
December 20, 1941 - March 20, 2020
DOROTHY LYNN SOLNER, much better known as Lynnie, passed away peacefully in Chicago on March 20, spending her last days with her daughters and lifelong best friend. Her kindness, humor and gratitude were fully intact.
Beloved wife of the late Robert Solner and loving mother of Tracy Hedstrom (Tim), Stephanie Kemp (Adam Bluming) and Ginny Kemp (Mike Biondi), she was also the adored and proud Grandma of Madeleine, Jack, Will, Dawson, Olivia, Elise, Frances and Bobby.
Lynnie was the dear stepmom of Michael Solner (Susan), Kathleen Solner Pearce, Susan Solner Janjigian (Michael), Patricia Solner Heimer (Paul) and Ann Seraydarian (Gregory). She loved being Grandma Lynnie to Michael (Mallory), Katie (Jamey), Jacqueline, Kiersten, Michael, Thomas, Gregory, Katie (Matt) and Maggie. She often bragged about her and Bob’s 17 grandchildren and two great grandchildren, Olivia and Will.
Lynnie was born December 20, 1941, and raised in Detroit and Southfield, Michigan, to Russell and Virginia Dawson. She attended Kingswood, Ferry Hall Academy and Michigan State before raising her three girls in Birmingham, Michigan.
She was the loving younger sister of the late Russell “Buck" Dawson, Frances Woodruff and Virginia Dawson. She is survived by and was the (mostly!) loving and always protective big sister of James Dawson. Lynnie was a fierce athlete, loyal friend and champion aunt - always choosing to approach life between glass half full and glass overflowing.
Her epic, contagious and limitless smile will be forever remembered and missed.
In lieu of flowers, please check in with someone you miss, call the friend you haven’t seen for too long, take a walk in the woods or make as many chocolate chip cookies as possible (extra butter - softened, not melted) and share them with the people you love......and/or total strangers.